


Never Been Jealous

by EnsignDisaster



Series: A Little Uneven [3]
Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Sex, No Beta, POV Beth, Swearing, nothing bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 18:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18834367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsignDisaster/pseuds/EnsignDisaster
Summary: Beth's thoughts and feelings about seeing Rio with the woman from the car drop.





	Never Been Jealous

It’s the truth, Beth Boland has never once in her life been jealous of another person...at least in the romantic sense. Sure when she was younger she felt envy when a classmate had gotten a higher test score or when Ruby was able to get the most recent Boyz II Men CD before her but those were easily brushed off plus Rudy always shared.

 

Women had flirted with Dean throughout the years some even brazen enough to do so right in front of her but she’d never worried or lost sleep over it. After all various men had flirted with her, winking at Beth and making suggestive comments while never overtly crude Beth could detect the underlying meaning.

 

_ ‘Come back to my place’ _

 

_ ‘I know how to treat a woman right’ _

 

_ ‘It’s only one night no one will ever know’ _

 

She’d never even thought about betraying Dean’s trust even though the physical intimacy had ceased after Emma. She’d figured they would find a way back to each other eventually. Most couples went through their ups and downs and She and Dean were due an upswing.

 

But that moment had never come.

 

Instead she was left with a shell of a marriage, Dean had clearly had moved on to greener pastures and Beth found a life of crime.

 

With it came Rio.

 

Beth could still feel the weight of him. Pressed against her back, the heat of his grip on her breast, the fullness of him inside of her. It was enough to drive her crazy and still she’d held back, she could have had a dozen revenge affairs with any of the fathers in PTA but instead she’d chosen the most dangerous man of all.

 

Or perhaps he’d chosen her.

 

Again she’d never felt close to jealousy until now. It was surreal watching Rio laugh and hug a woman with such a carefree attitude, they joked like they were old friends who went way back with an affection that seemed to span years.

 

Beth knew in her gut that if his and the mystery woman’s relationship had been purely sexual it wouldn't have hurt so much. That if had pressed the woman against the car and shoved his tongue down her throat it would have been tolerable.

 

Instead Rio was affectionate and open with her in a way he had never been with Beth. In the past he’d held a loaded gun to her head, threatened her life, and even shot her good for nothing husband. But still Beth kept coming back letting Rio into her business, into her home...into her heart.

 

After that night at the bar she’d felt empowered seducing Rio right under Deans unworthy nose, she'd ridden home with his essence still dripping down her thigh feeling rightous at her naughty little secret .

 

Now she felt more like a cheap whore...another notch in the bed post or maybe another phone number on the bathroom wall would be a more appropriate metaphor.

 

In the cold light of day when she was still sore her mind had rationalized it.

 

_ ‘Of course he doesn’t love you it was just a quickie in a dirty bathroom.’ _

 

_ ‘You’re delusional if you think this changes anything.’ _

 

And again the voice in her head came back as she watched him across the parking lot.

 

_ ‘He’ll never smile at you like that.’ _

 

So she’d put on a brave face and talked a big game about staying in her lane. Thank God for friends like Ruby who would back her up no matter what.

 

Truthfully Beth couldn’t remember when someone had looked at her like that. 

 

Not as a mother who knew the answers to a thousand and one questions ranging from ‘where are my shoes?’ to ‘why is the sky blue?’ 

 

Not as a wife who would make lunch every day, keep the house clean, and would turn the other cheek when you fucked another woman.

 

Not even as Rio had looked at her that night, eyes so dark with lust just bubbling under the surface. 

 

She wanted to be looked at like someone you could love.

 

Like she could whisper a joke in your ear and you couldn’t help but lean back and laugh or maybe she’d tilt her head or wrinkle her nose in such a way that would catch your attention and keep it. Like you could see both the good and the bad in her and still want to be together.

 

Realizing that no one had ever looked at her like made Beth see how truly lonely she actually was. 

 

She wasn’t ashamed of crying herself to sleep that night in a large empty bed, keeping half a ear open in case Emma tried to sneak in for late night cuddles.

 

She was sick of it.

 

Sick of catering to Dean’s lies and watching him attempt to worm his way back into her good graces. Sick of feeling something for Rio beyond professional and letting him get under her skin but most of all Beth was sick of putting the men in her life before her own happiness.

 

She had to become the so called ‘Boss Bitch’.

 

That meant hardening her heart against the likes of Rio and Dean. 

 

Except for the fact that cutting off one was much easier than the other.

 

Still she could do it...make herself untouchable. It wouldn’t matter how warm his hand felt when it caressed her face or how her heart skipped a beat when his eyes trailed up and down her figure. She could overlook the little things like how the hug between Rio and the mystery woman seemed to go on for eternity or how he seemed to genuinely laugh at whatever she said.

 

Elizabeth wasn’t jealous...just disappointed.

**Author's Note:**

> So Beth is definitely in deep denial about her feelings for Rio but this is nothing new to anyone. I just wanted to get into her emotional state seeing Rio with another woman but more so that he was laughing and cuddling said woman. (That lady is actually Manny Montana's irl wife and it's so cute they could do that scene together.) 
> 
> I also wished to highlight just how low Beth's self esteem actually is.
> 
> The title for this came actually from the movie 'Never Been Kissed' which I still really enjoy and saw a few days ago. Also when I wrote the last line I kept repeating in my mind the line from 'The Good Place'
> 
> "I'm not mad I'm just disappointed"  
> "Oh come on everyone know that's worse!"
> 
> Kudos and comment, I don't angst often and next time is from Rio's POV. I really would love doing a jealous Rio so thoughts for the future.


End file.
